I knew that headline would get your attention! Now, what I really need is help identifying these alien-type creatures growing in my garden. They're some type of fungi or something, but if you look closely at the photo I call "jules", it appears there are little insectie holes. Termites? No, come to find out. I didn't see any insect tiny home openings in the photo I call "chief of staff."
I've exhausted every search I could think of [hint: don't Google 'penis mold']. Someone has to know what these are.